Saturday, 13 July 2013

My Muse is a Chain Smoking Bus Driver

Writers have muses, well, at least this writer does. I've recently began to wonder what my muse would look like? What would she (I'm convinced I have a girl muse) act like? Why does she just hand me all these fantastic ideas?

Well, you see, my muse is a chain smoking bus driver. Her name is Gerdie and she's got short, super curly grey hair. She's only five foot three but she's got abs that could crush a coke can. She smokes a pack a day, though she knows it's disgusting and she should quit. She drives the city bus five days a week and watches all her recorded programs on the weekend while she works out. She only eats organic food. (Yes, she knows that it is counter productive to be a health nut that smokes, but she really does intend to quit)

She misses the days of the rotary phone and the TV guide. The days of lemonade stands, ice cream trucks and of course, the milk man.The days where kids rode bikes and built tree forts, where they yelled down the street at each other instead of texting. She misses common courtesy, general politeness and the lack of common sense in the world has driven her half mad.

She reads a lot of books. She likes any genre as long as it has a good solid human story in it. She loves to root for the underdog and believes with her whole heart that love really does conquer all. She's also a sucker for a good romance. She likes books with strong female characters and books with a dark or twisted sense of humor.

Gerdie gives me her wonderful ideas because her day job keeps her too busy to write, and rather than see a good idea go to waste, she tells me about it so that I may write it. But, there is a catch. You see, I have to keep in good standing with Gerdie. I can't ignore my muse or she'll stop talking to me. I have to write as often as I can to keep my creative juices flowing. Seeing me writing make Gerdie very happy and the happier Gerdie gets the more likely she is to share ideas with me.

So, I have to go now, Gerdie's giving me the stink eye again. Looks like I have some work to do.
So, if you're a writer with a muse, tell me about him/her.


  1. Your muse sounds like a scary lady. Although crushing coke cans with her abs would come in very handy :P

    My muse is a former 1920’s fortune teller from Atlantic City. She was quite famous in her day however she gave up her fame and fortune to raise a bunch of ungrateful kids. She doesn’t age and still looks about 30 years old. Her name is Porcelina de Giovanni and still dresses in attire typical of that era.

    She gets my ideas from the void she spent so many times staring into during her days as a fortune teller and medium. She believes that writers are a conduit assigned to chronicle events of a forgotten world or parallel dimension – yeah, she’s quite nuts.

    She is unrelenting and very demanding and won’t take any excuses. Her biggest motto is ‘have a clear and clutter free desk at all times' and 'never ever write when tired or drunk.' Which is 80% of the time.

    1. Gerdie is actually a super cool chick to hang around with. She does have a mean streak in her, which is why I always play by her rules. ;)

      Your muse would hate me because I don't follow either of her motto's. My desk is horrific and I believe in the phrase (not mine, but I forget who said it first, perhaps Hemingway?) Write drunk, edit sober.

  2. what a great character description for a muse!